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It’s late, so I’m going to save myself some time and paste in my Small Claims case description. The defendant’s name has been removed to protect the guilty.
On 24th March my wife and I purchased a puppy from Mrs Smith for £550. The following week we called Mrs Smith to explain how my wife had been suffering with asthma since having the puppy in the house. Mrs Smith agreed to take the puppy back. Later that day Mrs Smith called us to say that she would only refund £400. Reluctantly we agreed and then returned the puppy on 6th April. While handing over the puppy Mrs Smith said that she would now only refund £300 because she couldn’t afford any more. Knowing that I could not take the puppy home due to my wife’s asthma I said that I would wait until she could pay the full amount. On 14th April Mrs Smith texted to say she would now only refund £200. I refused and then she offered £250. On 17th April I gave Mrs Smith the choice of refunding £400 as originally agreed or I would pursue the purchase amount of £550 through Small Claims. She replied ‘Ok take it to court’. I asked for her surname so that I could begin the claim but she did not reply. I found her details on facebook.
My office/apartment has Economy 7 storage heaters. Every morning I walk into the lounge and it’s toasty but this morning it was cooler than usual. A short time later I realised that I’d caught the faint smell of burning; no, not burning, more like a spent match. I did not relate the two events.
This afternoon, being a little chilly, I checked the main storage heater and to my surprise it was completely cold. The mains was switched on so I decided to check the fuse. Switched off all the heaters at the fusebox. The fuse wouldn’t come out due to a clump of black residue. Removed socket.
Removed entire electrical assembly from wall in preparation for buying new double pattress and switches tomorrow.
Left wiring safe; of sorts.
Would you trade your legs and/arms for better ones? I would.
No doubt the rest of our organs will follow too.
Excerpt from Stewart Lee on BBC2, 22nd March 2014
Full HD show on BBC iPlayer http://mi.cx/5bec, available until 12th of April 2014
(URL shortened using http://mi.cx)
Sign up to Stewart Lee’s newsletter http://www.stewartlee.co.uk
Enjoy!
The alternative to the Ten Commandments cited by Richard Dawkins in his book The God Delusion is:
Dawkins uses these proposed commandments to make a larger point that “it is the sort of list that any ordinary, decent person today would come up with.” He then adds four more of his own devising:
Source, Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alternatives_to_the_Ten_Commandments#Richard_Dawkins